Overwhelming wave.

This has not been written in recollections. They are truly spontaneous. In a pure form they flow effortlessly. It's all in your brain. Or two tiny cookies that were bombshells for your little nugget of a brain. A wave of happiness washes you on to new shores. A wash of your sensory perception. Trickling down the small of your back, the nape of your neck. Beats bouncing around the empty hall that is your skull. So pretentious. So raw. Which is which. It's all good. Meet the Buddha. Attain the transcendence you will never see with your tongue. This is it. It is this. Sway. Bob. Tremble. An awesome wave. Wave. /\\//\ 

Play The Game.

Mind games are not merely games played on your mind through external forces, but they are games that your mind plays on itself.

One simple picture, that burns an image that lasts a mere 5 seconds can induce a stream of thought that will go on for a disproportionately longer period, say, of 5 days. How this one image can propound itself and turn into a series of images, a television mini series, perhaps a series that even goes on hiatus and returns 25 years later, is beyond me. Yet, this happens, and will continue to happen until you bring your brain onto your side, where cookies and hot chocolate are all the things you think about.

Now if a simple image can escalate into a monolithic figure eating all the other thoughts out of the recesses of your brain, imagine the effect of a short question, two words and one mark of punctuation.

BAM.

You have another 20 days added to your game. What do those words mean? Was that question directed to me? Was it directed to another girl? Why did he use that word and not a different one? Is there a covert message behind a covert question? And it goes on, and on.

Althusser speaks of the moment of recognition, when the individual recognizes that he has been interpolated into the ruling ideology, and despite that the individual remains situation in his position.  The situation is, according to Althusser, larger than the individual himself. In this cause, one may realize they are involved in games of the mind, whether imposed or from within, and the mind games are the larger situation. Regardless of the act of realization the individual cannot escape the fact that these games are taking place.

So the only thing left to do…play the damn game.

Play the game so well that you create games that trump the initial game and knock it out of the playing field. In fact, you have been playing bigger games without realizing it, you have initiated it and your foreplay, your unintentional warm up has pushed the ball into play. Once you realize the whistle has blown, the ball is in your court and you seize it. You do not wallow in despair, wishing you could push the games out of your mind, rather you play that game and you win. Win the game. Because winning the game is the only way you can realize the game and stop it from consuming your life.

Play the game.

The ATM, Red Shirt Guy & Romance.

There is something romantic about having a ten minute connection with someone you will never meet again. And I think that it is that romance that made me feel so happy inside, that Saturday evening. I was waiting in line at the only functioning ATM at the market. There were five people in front of me, the woman from the tattoo parlour, a guy, another guy, second guy is the focus of this string of words, and two girls carrying Forever 21 bags.

So I noticed Guy 2, also known as Red Shirt guy, and I glanced at him. I was tweeting, minding my own business. And one by one people left, and the Red Shirt guy was standing on the side. So as I got closed to the ATM, only Red Shirt guy stood between me and my cash but I didn’t know if he was waiting in life or not. So I asked him, “hey, are you waiting in line?” And he replied, with a strangely accented voice, something close to a pseudo-American accent, “Yeah, I have been waiting for quite a while actually. Developing my patience.” I giggled and murmured something incoherently. Busying myself with Twitter again, I was surprised when he introduced himself and started talking to me about my very ‘punny’ sweatshirt, Leave Lit To The Prose. I started explaining the technical definition of prose and was all smiles. He asked me what I do and flatly replied with a, “I study literature, third year.” I proceeded to ask him about his life and he colorfully explained his online marketing business with the best example he could have used with me, socks.

“I LOVE socks! People think I’m weird cause they’re like, why do you like socks so much and I’m like why do you not like socks so much?”

There it was, my explosion of feels for socks. And I think he was taken aback, unfortunately it was his turn and he did offer to let me go first, but I told him I would push him to the machine. He went, withdrew his money, hair flip and walked out, smiling and saying “Nice to meet you Sanya.” I replied with an enthusiastic, “Nice to meet you too!”

That was it.

I walked out of the ATM cubicle, my mother called, we squabbled about my new tattoo, and out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the Red Shirt guy. For a spilt second I thought of going up to him and asking for his number, but another voice in my head said no. It said, “No, don’t do that, just let it be, give yourself the fodder for imagining how amazing and fantastic this stranger may be. Why do you want to ruin what you experienced in the past ten minutes?” So I didn’t, I joined my friends in Pizza Hut, hurriedly told them what happened and sat in a daze. Something about the conversation just struck a chord, in retrospect he wasn’t that impressive, in fact I saw him when I was leaving the market and he seemed a tad bit creepy. For some reason, that conversation, waiting for the ATM gave me something. It gave me a strange warm, fluffy sensation in my brain.

I will never see him, I won’t know his name, I won’t know what kind of socks he wears. And that is all okay.

The ATM guy, the Red Shirt guy, thank you so much for that wonderful conversation, whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope I never see you again because what I have will only be this amazing if I don’t.